Drunkeness

So I went to watch an absolute genius at work last night, Lee Evans, a stand up comedian of the highest caliber...

I got semi-drunk while I was there and had to put up with dirty looks from the Missus... apparantly when I am drunk I am an embarrassment, fuck knows how, all I was doing was laughing at the show...

So with this in mind, I present, the list of things that annoy Me when drunk...

1) All straight lines are bent... only thing is, sober people can't see this, drunk people can...

2) Traffic cones are a legitimate and essential part of the drunk's dress code...

3) People look at you funnier (it may be funny, but I get funny looks already)

4) Doors and walls make really good conversationalists

5) Your keys become your worst enemy

6) Its quite sobering having to fish through the ONLY pile of something disturbingly icky on the entire road for your keys

7) Your front door has undergone a facechange, moved house and even changed its number...

8) Some really random guys in yellow jackets come and ask you questions

9) This is the only time calling yourself Mickey Mouse seems highly amusing and appropriate

10) They dont get this

11) They walk you to a strange front door

12) Your keys (your worst enemy) traitorously fit this front door

13) The door protests, quite loudly, at being opened

14) This wakes the Missus

15) You fall blissfully asleep in a heap on the stairs completely forgetting tomorrow you will be introduced to a new level of hell... the cold and frosty side where there is burnt food and unironed socks...

The Missus still loves Me just in case any of you care while your laughing at Me