Tiredness...

Sometimes I wonder about what I want to write... I sit here typing this talking to someone I consider a friend, but given the nature of what I am trying to type, I wonder...

As you may have guessed from My last post, I dont talk about Myself all that much... I never really get the right words out which pisses both Me, and others off...

Something happened the other day, I was sitting, waiting about for someone I considered a good friend to come and chat to Me...
yup
Me
a Free Man
WAITING for someone...

Now, Free Man bollocks aside, I -know- some of the Panthers will make some comment about Me beating My chest, My expectations for My Friends are few
honesty and avoid disappointing Me

In return, you get someone loyal, loving and welcoming... oh yes, I will piss you off, say things I shouldnt... but still, I never do it intentionally
I always -intend- to do My best...

but I am tired now...

simply put, why should I care

I always seem to be the one apologising

I always seem to be the one chasing around...

I am the one making the time for you lot, even if My rl is hectic...

In return I get people who get pissed off when I dare to make a comment or write down an opinion...

People who wont make the effort to contact Me when they say they will


So here it goes...

I am tired of it... I am tired of chasing people up, making sure they are ok... I am tired of being the one to apologise for having the sheer audacity to make a fucking opinion about something... I am tired of being disappointed.. I am tired of being let down... I am tired of wondering if -I- have done something wrong...

I am tired of finding things out about YOU, My friends, from other fucking people... it makes Me wonder if I am your friend at all... so y'all know what?

if you wanna stay My friend, how about YOU come find Me for once? I am tired of chasing you all


Tynian

Pain and how to deal with it...

ok
I aint posted in a while...

I aint as religious with this shit as some others are...

I have a crap job... it is the cause of many arguements in My life, both online and in real life... I am 24 nearly 25 and quite possibly the most cynically sarcastic shit your ever gonna meet... it is My coping strategy, My defence, it is how I cope with all the shit in My life, how I cope with the things I see, hear, feel...

I dont like Myself, I dont like the things I see sometimes, I dont like the things I hear, I dont like the things I feel... I am scared of Myself, I sometimes wonder how I cope before eventually the realisation hits Me that I dont... Sam is a blessed saint in the turmoil of My life, but she can only take so much pushing from Me before she snaps so I have built up a few defences, safeguards to help Me... I dont know how to cope and sometimes I feel like I am gonna fail and explode... but I cant fail, I am not allowed to fail...

There are therefore a few things in My life I need, crave, depend on... I dont have many of those
I have no family, few friends I trust enough to call friend... I feel this is a good thing... people like Me should never be inflicted on social situations... We are not a sociable type...

I rely on Sam... she is My anchor in storms, in turbulence...
I rely on Gor... it's principles and rules give Me a strong foundation of honour and dignity I can cling too...
I rely on najah, she implicitly sees all that is good in Me...
I rely on Kaylen... her peculiar brand of "fuck you!" love makes Me giggle insanely and realise that no matter how bad my life is I am not Pookie and therefore I dont have to suffer morning KayKay...
I rely on those few I speak to online with trust... it is you who I come too when my life is unbearable and I need someone to talk too... You never know what you do for Me... I dont allow that, but it is enough you do it without prodding from me...
I rely on My principles... they stop Me from doing things I shouldnt...

You come between me and any of these, your in shit...

I am a simple Man socially and mentally... but I am intelligent enough to know when I am being made a mug of...

And I have been made a mug of...

RavenDarqhart` - While I commend your willingness to move to be with a slave rl, your a fucking idiot... How the HELL can you condemn something you yourself are a part of?

to a slave... the normal procedure is to BEG release first... worthless slut...

to Panthers... I am sorry, but no... NO... A Panther entering a City was collared at best, killed at worst... what makes you think you can be first or second sword in a truly Gorean Home? dont make Me fuckin laugh... you also, make a mockery of the lifestyle you claim to be a part of...

to male slaves... dont try and cyber Me in pm... I am not female...

to those Men who know and agree with My words... good, stand up, read the fucking Books, set the example and lead by it...

to the Women who do the same... good... You do the same...

to Kaylen... I never mean You, and You know it...

to those who have hurt Me... your forgiven... in doing this I intend to move forwards... it is mete in My mind that you are given the opportunity to get added back to My /ignore...

to the girl I talked to yesterday who word gamed with Me... One more chance... I adore Us too much to have you blow it...

Which brings Me to My last point...

All of you have one chance... don't blow it... I know I am not always perfect... I try hard to be normal and sane enough but I know I do things sometimes to piss people off, but I try so hard to prevent it... but if I dont have rules I have nothing... I hope you understand...

Tynian